So glad you got out, Michelle! I remember being taken aside and kept for questioning in a Chinese airport years ago because of a discrepancy around whether I’d been to China previously (I had been, but it was due to a flight delay, needing to stay overnight in a hotel, etc.). The whole thing is a blur at this point, but, wow - there was NO messing around.
More generally, my own travel/moving/life plans have been in disarray this past month, with a number of last-minute surprises. Not easy; made harder by the first visit with my aging parents in 9 years. And yet, I’ve done very little crying. It’s as though I’m conscious that, right now, I have to hold everything together and focus on being extremely clear and practical. But I’m pretty sure a big cry is coming...
Oh Dana, I'm sure a tsunami of tears must be building... It all sounds so incrediblely stressful. Just the last-minute change from Cambodia to Thailand must have been such a gear change! I hope you'll soon feel safe and secure enough to start processing the visit with your parents and all the many stresses of your move. I know you'll understand when I wish you a brief break from clarity and practicality and the healing power of tears!
Oh Michelle, what an adventure leaving China. As a Spaniard and Andalusian I have no problem showing my feelings in public. Loving feelings, my tears of sadness, pain or also tears of joy.
I don't know how to repress them and I find it very difficult to understand how people from another culture manage to do it. I simply cannot suppress my tears when they want to come out because of some kind of feeling.
But I don't judge myself if it happens to me. I have learned to treat myself with kindness and I don't care what other people think if they see me crying, even if I am already a 50-year-old (middle-aged?) man :)
For me it's rarely a question of trying to repress my feelings, but more a matter of not being able to show them, even if I want to. But our fifties are definitely a time to start working on showing all the many faces of our humanity! That's the sort of kindness I want to extend myself now - the kindness of allowing myself to be all of who I am, and to allow others to witness full range of my humanity. I'm working on becoming more Andalusian 😊
Sending lots of love to you and the gorgeous people close to you in Spain 😊💕
Yes, we're in Bali! I know what you mean about feeling guilty about not crying, but adventures like this are just too exciting so it's hard to look back instead of forward! Right now I'm sitting by the pool in our little Airbnb in Sanur, and we have appointments to view some houses for rent tomorrow. Whoop whoop! I couldn't be more thrilled to be here!
Your travels and the way you all move through these daunting challenges together is truly inspiring. Of course your tears came as a huge release—shouting at the top of your lungs in a Chinese airport might not have gone over as well ☺️
Blessings to your family and thanks for the powerful essay.
Oh I’m an equal opportunity crier. I leak at just about everything. I don’t have to know you, if you cry, I then cry. It’s something I am learning to be proud of (and not embarrassed by). I’m embracing the empath in me.
It got a little dusty for me reading this essay. 🥹Thank you, Michelle. Such a powerful message here.
I loved reading your reflections on what “historically” made you cry. I often wonder how I got this way. For a number of years I squashed and hid my tears. Sobriety has helped me welcome them back. I’ve found that tears are usually a release valve for me and I feel much better once I let them fall.
This line: “The thoughts that could make me cry now are ones that I can’t bring myself to go anywhere near.” Oooof. That made me well up. I get it.
Thanks for getting me all up in my feelings this morning 🫶🫶💕
You really should be proud of your tears, Allison, and all of us should be grateful for your empathy!
Sobriety is a big one, isn't it, for getting you back to your emotions. Way back when I was a drinker AND a smoker (yikes, what we put our bodies through), I used to smoke to suppress the tears any time I was in danger of crying. How sad is that?! If it's true that the "body keeps the score" (which is, of course, the title of the brilliant book by Bessel van der Kolk), then it must be so much healthier for us to release our tears, just as it's healthier for us to express our anger and other emotions than to suppress and deny them.
I'm going to try to be more like you - "an equal opportunity crier" 😊. Thanks for showing me how it's done. 😊💕
Oh my goodness! The suspense! I’m glad that it was fine in the end, but that must have been incredibly stressful.
So I was on the verge of tears yesterday after the UK General Election results 😂 I’ve been so invested in this election and the lead up (perhaps too much, so I’m looking forward to taking a news/social media break).
Hope you’re getting settled in to your new home in Bali!
Yes, the election results were a big deal around here, too! I'm so excited to have moved to Bali but part of me wishes I was in London right now... The atmosphere there must be incredible! I hope you're enjoying some rest after the necessary media frenzy 😊💕
I'm so glad you made it and glad you got to have a cry to release all that energy!
I'm not much of a crier but I fully embrace it when I do and also when others cry around me. It's so tricky when we feel a cry wants to come out and it doesn't!
oh, I know that fear so well at China's exit controls. The flipping back and forth. The inquisitive look. I can only imagine the horror at the realization of where the visa was.
Michelle, my heart was in my stomach throughout this. I have much experience with tears, but funnily enough, it's travel that has taught me to control them more. :)
The sensory smorgasbord, coupled with a heightened sense of my surroundings, plus the responsibilities of travelling with children, all demanded that I remain calm and pragmatic in stressful situations. Music does have its way, still. Currently listening to Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto & the 2nd movt is tugging at my heart strings! Such a beautiful & emotional melody.
Omg!! A lot there Michelle...my own hear rate went up reading about trying to navigate the horrendous bureaucracy of China.... interesting that you need a visa to get out!!
I think you have a lucky star following and guiding you.
Tears are within us for a reason and I've always found it a huge release ot tension when they flow. Like you Michelle, I cried a lot as a child ...in my twenties with all the drama that goes on in relationships and then during the major life event, births and deaths.
But as relationships stabilized, life teaching me a bit of grit, I have cried less, with a couple of exceptions, big events yet again.Oh for the mundane at those moments,as it means all is well and I can plod along.
Music always has the power to move my emotions whatever they may be. It's a deeper form of communication and fascinates me.
So much more to be said on the old tears Michelle , but hey you are in your new abode and hope you have lots of laughter there.x
Thanks, Frances! It's really interesting, actually... Having moved to this place where the pace of life is slower and the people smile more readily and I'm watching my boys ease into this life in the sun, I feel much closer to tears a lot of the time. I felt tearful watching the boys swimming in the sea yesterday, and again this morning, as I sit communicating with beautiful people here on Substack. I definitely feel able to access all of my emotions more easily when I can unclench, when it doesn't feel as though circumstance is keeping me on edge at all times. I'm happy to accept happy tears alongside the laughter!
Mundanity and music... Sounds like a great combination for enjoying the simple times and revelling in the magic 😊💕😘
So glad you got out, Michelle! I remember being taken aside and kept for questioning in a Chinese airport years ago because of a discrepancy around whether I’d been to China previously (I had been, but it was due to a flight delay, needing to stay overnight in a hotel, etc.). The whole thing is a blur at this point, but, wow - there was NO messing around.
More generally, my own travel/moving/life plans have been in disarray this past month, with a number of last-minute surprises. Not easy; made harder by the first visit with my aging parents in 9 years. And yet, I’ve done very little crying. It’s as though I’m conscious that, right now, I have to hold everything together and focus on being extremely clear and practical. But I’m pretty sure a big cry is coming...
Oh Dana, I'm sure a tsunami of tears must be building... It all sounds so incrediblely stressful. Just the last-minute change from Cambodia to Thailand must have been such a gear change! I hope you'll soon feel safe and secure enough to start processing the visit with your parents and all the many stresses of your move. I know you'll understand when I wish you a brief break from clarity and practicality and the healing power of tears!
Thank you, Michelle! And yes - that feels long overdue! xo
Oh Michelle, what an adventure leaving China. As a Spaniard and Andalusian I have no problem showing my feelings in public. Loving feelings, my tears of sadness, pain or also tears of joy.
I don't know how to repress them and I find it very difficult to understand how people from another culture manage to do it. I simply cannot suppress my tears when they want to come out because of some kind of feeling.
But I don't judge myself if it happens to me. I have learned to treat myself with kindness and I don't care what other people think if they see me crying, even if I am already a 50-year-old (middle-aged?) man :)
A kiss and a big hug for the whole family.
Paco! I want to be more like you!
For me it's rarely a question of trying to repress my feelings, but more a matter of not being able to show them, even if I want to. But our fifties are definitely a time to start working on showing all the many faces of our humanity! That's the sort of kindness I want to extend myself now - the kindness of allowing myself to be all of who I am, and to allow others to witness full range of my humanity. I'm working on becoming more Andalusian 😊
Sending lots of love to you and the gorgeous people close to you in Spain 😊💕
I was in such suspense until you said you made your flight! ✈️
Nothing can reduce me to tears quite like airports, the overwhelming stress of them, the beauty of seeing others reunions.
I never cry when saying goodbye though and always feel a bit guilty, I’m usually just too excited for the next adventure.
In day to day life though I cry at everything! Probably these days more at beautiful moments than sad ones.
Although sometimes a big sad bawl is needed!
Have you arrived in Bali now!!
Yes, we're in Bali! I know what you mean about feeling guilty about not crying, but adventures like this are just too exciting so it's hard to look back instead of forward! Right now I'm sitting by the pool in our little Airbnb in Sanur, and we have appointments to view some houses for rent tomorrow. Whoop whoop! I couldn't be more thrilled to be here!
Ooohhh we’re officially neighbours!!! So exciting! 💛
Can't wait to have my first IRL Substack meet-up! 💕
Your travels and the way you all move through these daunting challenges together is truly inspiring. Of course your tears came as a huge release—shouting at the top of your lungs in a Chinese airport might not have gone over as well ☺️
Blessings to your family and thanks for the powerful essay.
Yes, can you imagine how shouting at officials in a Chinese airport would go down?! I can't even imagine such a scene!
Thank you so much for your kind words, Dee, and for your blessings. I hold them close to my heart.
🙏🙏
Oh I’m an equal opportunity crier. I leak at just about everything. I don’t have to know you, if you cry, I then cry. It’s something I am learning to be proud of (and not embarrassed by). I’m embracing the empath in me.
It got a little dusty for me reading this essay. 🥹Thank you, Michelle. Such a powerful message here.
I loved reading your reflections on what “historically” made you cry. I often wonder how I got this way. For a number of years I squashed and hid my tears. Sobriety has helped me welcome them back. I’ve found that tears are usually a release valve for me and I feel much better once I let them fall.
This line: “The thoughts that could make me cry now are ones that I can’t bring myself to go anywhere near.” Oooof. That made me well up. I get it.
Thanks for getting me all up in my feelings this morning 🫶🫶💕
You really should be proud of your tears, Allison, and all of us should be grateful for your empathy!
Sobriety is a big one, isn't it, for getting you back to your emotions. Way back when I was a drinker AND a smoker (yikes, what we put our bodies through), I used to smoke to suppress the tears any time I was in danger of crying. How sad is that?! If it's true that the "body keeps the score" (which is, of course, the title of the brilliant book by Bessel van der Kolk), then it must be so much healthier for us to release our tears, just as it's healthier for us to express our anger and other emotions than to suppress and deny them.
I'm going to try to be more like you - "an equal opportunity crier" 😊. Thanks for showing me how it's done. 😊💕
Oh my goodness! The suspense! I’m glad that it was fine in the end, but that must have been incredibly stressful.
So I was on the verge of tears yesterday after the UK General Election results 😂 I’ve been so invested in this election and the lead up (perhaps too much, so I’m looking forward to taking a news/social media break).
Hope you’re getting settled in to your new home in Bali!
Yes, the election results were a big deal around here, too! I'm so excited to have moved to Bali but part of me wishes I was in London right now... The atmosphere there must be incredible! I hope you're enjoying some rest after the necessary media frenzy 😊💕
I'm so glad you made it and glad you got to have a cry to release all that energy!
I'm not much of a crier but I fully embrace it when I do and also when others cry around me. It's so tricky when we feel a cry wants to come out and it doesn't!
Yes, that feeling of tears building up behind your eyes is a very uncomfortable one! Here's to the easy release of tears. 😊
oh, I know that fear so well at China's exit controls. The flipping back and forth. The inquisitive look. I can only imagine the horror at the realization of where the visa was.
Yes, I think that moment took at least a few years off my life! I'm glad that, like us, you've always made it through in the end!
Michelle, my heart was in my stomach throughout this. I have much experience with tears, but funnily enough, it's travel that has taught me to control them more. :)
Ah, interesting! I'd love to know how travelling has taught you to control your emotions!
The sensory smorgasbord, coupled with a heightened sense of my surroundings, plus the responsibilities of travelling with children, all demanded that I remain calm and pragmatic in stressful situations. Music does have its way, still. Currently listening to Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto & the 2nd movt is tugging at my heart strings! Such a beautiful & emotional melody.
Omg!! A lot there Michelle...my own hear rate went up reading about trying to navigate the horrendous bureaucracy of China.... interesting that you need a visa to get out!!
I think you have a lucky star following and guiding you.
Tears are within us for a reason and I've always found it a huge release ot tension when they flow. Like you Michelle, I cried a lot as a child ...in my twenties with all the drama that goes on in relationships and then during the major life event, births and deaths.
But as relationships stabilized, life teaching me a bit of grit, I have cried less, with a couple of exceptions, big events yet again.Oh for the mundane at those moments,as it means all is well and I can plod along.
Music always has the power to move my emotions whatever they may be. It's a deeper form of communication and fascinates me.
So much more to be said on the old tears Michelle , but hey you are in your new abode and hope you have lots of laughter there.x
Thanks, Frances! It's really interesting, actually... Having moved to this place where the pace of life is slower and the people smile more readily and I'm watching my boys ease into this life in the sun, I feel much closer to tears a lot of the time. I felt tearful watching the boys swimming in the sea yesterday, and again this morning, as I sit communicating with beautiful people here on Substack. I definitely feel able to access all of my emotions more easily when I can unclench, when it doesn't feel as though circumstance is keeping me on edge at all times. I'm happy to accept happy tears alongside the laughter!
Mundanity and music... Sounds like a great combination for enjoying the simple times and revelling in the magic 😊💕😘